Open mouth - insert foot.
Seriously, why? Why do I speak before I think? Aren't you supposed to have that down by the time you're in your 20s? I mean come on!
Have you ever said something and the instant the words left your lips you wished you could grab them from the air and shove them back down your throat - preferably choking yourself in the process? That's me tonight. Yep, me. What's the deal? Do I have a potato for a brain or something?!
*arrrrgggghhhhhh*
I realize that if you're reading this right now, you're only still reading because you want to know what I said. Because for whatever twisted reason, when we hear about someone else's dumb mistake or idiotic move or horrible experience, we feel soooo much better about our situation (be it past or present). Why are we like that anyway? You can't deny it... when you hear about your friend's horror story of how she clogged her date's toilet and it overflowed, flooding the bathroom in his apartment, it makes you feel better about your embarassing situations. As soon as you hear it you're thinking, "Phew! So I burped in his mouth during our first kiss? Not so bad compared to Mrs. Poopypants!"
Okay seriously... both of those situations are extremely horrifying and if that has happened to anyone reading this I feel really really bad for you. Seriously.
(But let me say... just thinking about those mishaps makes me feel way better about my big fat mouth! My trauma - nowhere near that bad!
.... See, I told you.)
Back to the subject. What malfunctioning part of my brain has decided to turn against me NOW? The fact that I didn't intend it to be taken the way it was makes it so much worse. In fact, I didn't even intend it in the CONTEXT in which it was taken!
Excuse me a moment while I mentally groan for the millionth time this hour.
See, I know many of you are feeling better just reading this post. You're thinking, "Better her than me!" Don't go gettin' all self-righteous. Oh yes, your time will come! Your pea-sized brain will connect with your oversized mouth at some point making you wish you had a mute button for your vocal chords.
Wait is it chords or cords?
Lordy I'm easily distracted.
Would anyone like to eat MY pea-sized brain for dinner? Because obviously I'm NO LONGER USING IT.
________________________________________________________________________
Note: No throats, potatos, apartment bathrooms, first dates, pea-sized brains, oversized mouths, or vocal c(h)ords were harmed during the typing of this post.
Seriously, why? Why do I speak before I think? Aren't you supposed to have that down by the time you're in your 20s? I mean come on!
Have you ever said something and the instant the words left your lips you wished you could grab them from the air and shove them back down your throat - preferably choking yourself in the process? That's me tonight. Yep, me. What's the deal? Do I have a potato for a brain or something?!
*arrrrgggghhhhhh*
I realize that if you're reading this right now, you're only still reading because you want to know what I said. Because for whatever twisted reason, when we hear about someone else's dumb mistake or idiotic move or horrible experience, we feel soooo much better about our situation (be it past or present). Why are we like that anyway? You can't deny it... when you hear about your friend's horror story of how she clogged her date's toilet and it overflowed, flooding the bathroom in his apartment, it makes you feel better about your embarassing situations. As soon as you hear it you're thinking, "Phew! So I burped in his mouth during our first kiss? Not so bad compared to Mrs. Poopypants!"
Okay seriously... both of those situations are extremely horrifying and if that has happened to anyone reading this I feel really really bad for you. Seriously.
(But let me say... just thinking about those mishaps makes me feel way better about my big fat mouth! My trauma - nowhere near that bad!
.... See, I told you.)
Back to the subject. What malfunctioning part of my brain has decided to turn against me NOW? The fact that I didn't intend it to be taken the way it was makes it so much worse. In fact, I didn't even intend it in the CONTEXT in which it was taken!
Excuse me a moment while I mentally groan for the millionth time this hour.
See, I know many of you are feeling better just reading this post. You're thinking, "Better her than me!" Don't go gettin' all self-righteous. Oh yes, your time will come! Your pea-sized brain will connect with your oversized mouth at some point making you wish you had a mute button for your vocal chords.
Wait is it chords or cords?
Lordy I'm easily distracted.
Would anyone like to eat MY pea-sized brain for dinner? Because obviously I'm NO LONGER USING IT.
________________________________________________________________________
Note: No throats, potatos, apartment bathrooms, first dates, pea-sized brains, oversized mouths, or vocal c(h)ords were harmed during the typing of this post.
Aw, c'mon, don't leave us hanging! Details, please!!! =)
cords not chords as in vocal...
chords not cords as in "strikes a chord"! In any case, it couldn't have been that bad--so just tell us. You'll feel better if you share!